but...it doesn't. It comes back to haunt you and bicker at you until you feel nothing but shame and regret. Then you wished you'd just stayed miserable instead of seeking out happiness. And it ALL comes back at once. Not in little tiny intervals or doses, but at once. All of it. So now there is nothing to do but give up your current happiness and linger in the deadened past that you thought would one day become your future.

But...

Your current happiness then seeks out it's true identity and meaning. Is it real? Was it all just in my head? An open route to run away from my past. My happiness isn't real. I was happier back then. In my past. Should I go back? Can I go back? If I go back, maybe it will be new and yet familiar. A good familiar. The familiar I longed for in the beginnning and would soon hope be my future. If I go back...it will be my future. The future and familiarness I wanted for so long.

Listening to sad music doesn't really help either. Especially when the song relates to my current life.